Real Relatioships

While contemplating on the emphasis given on putting Krsna in the center of every relationship and other related ideas, following arguments came across.

Relationships can satisfy heart's innermost desire to be loved and to give love. To the extent a relationship is based on foundations of selfless service and willingness to sacrifice instead of squeezing out pleasure for oneself, to that extent it is nourishing to one's soul. Radhanath Swami Maharaj writes in his book, 'Journey Home' www.thejourneyhomebook.com, it is part of the deepest nature of every soul to please others. Service rendered with care, love and for the pleasure of beloved should be the foundation, if the relationship has to last long. In this world we see the epitome of this in the relationship between mother and son. Mother while changing nappies at midnight does not have any expectations from her little baby. It is love of mother for her child expressed through service without any expectations. Love means to think, speak and act in a way that is pleasing to other. When we think of love as a means of gratifying our own mind and senses and false ego, it is lust. For instance, love between a man and woman based on bodily features does not last long because factually it is lust devoid of any sense of love. It can never give us satisfaction because lust can only cater to the demands of senses which are dead matter. On contrary, we are a living force, we need love to be happy. So the barometer of love in any relatioship is the ratio of willingness to sacrifice for the pleasure of beloved to the selfish expectations we have from beloved. More the love, long lasting and satisfying will be the relationship.

Having understood the need to render service, theory is incomplete if we do not identify the object of our service. Mother unconditionally loves her children but in ignorance of spiritual reality that love remains on bodily platform which causes attachment and leads to material bondage. Ajamila was helplessly  attached to his youngest son. As a result, at death bed he could only think of him. Not just mental thinking but he was strongly remembering his son and crying out to him for shelter. By the will of providence he named his son Narayana and therefore got the benefit of chanting Lord's holynames. If he would have had this same attachment to Lord, rememberance of Lord and cried out to the Supreme Personality then the purpose of human life was fulfilled. This is the point:
Ajamila who was destined to live in hell for millions of years for his sins reaped so much eternal benefit because he unconsciously somehow involved Lord Narayana in his relationship with his son. Then what to speak of Lord's devotees who plan and diligently centre every relationship around Lord. What will be their destination? Very similar to pastime of Putana.

In BG, Krsna proclaims: 'bhoktarama yajnatapasam...'. He is the supreme enjoyer. Any desire to enjoy separate from Him is lust. Therefore, any relationship devoid of an attitude of serving and pleasing the Lord betrays our tendency to enjoy that relationship without Him. Therefore, love between mother and child on material platform is not love in absolute sense because that love diverts our attention away from Krsna, is temporary and gives only a glimpse of satisfaction. However, when parents serve their child or child serves his parents because they are also parts and parcels of the same Lord and that Lord wants us to help each other come closer to Him, then such a relationship will cause liberation. Krsna is our factual father, forgeeting Whom we are entangled in miserable cycle of birth, death, old age and disease.

Srila Prabhupada writes in 'Prayers of Queen Kunti' purport (SB:1.8.42), "The skin relation is the cause of material bondage, but the relation of the soul is the cause of freedom. This relation of the soul to the soul can be established by the via medium of the relation with the Supersoul. Seeing in the darkness is not seeing. But seeing by the light of the sun means to see the sun and everything else which was unseen in the darkness. That is the way of devotional service." That's what Kunti Maharani prayed for.